Deep Thoughts

25 Apr

My brain is a swirling mess lately. I need to get it all out, hope you guys don’t mind!

I need a new job. Not just because of what I wrote in this post, but because I am truly not happy. And it’s not the job. And it’s not the company. It’s the fact that it’s “just a job,” it’s “just to pay the bills,” it’s “just for the health insurance.” It is not my passion. It is not what I want to do with the rest of my life. Running, fitness, healthy food, blogging, social media…that’s what I want to do. Mish-mash it all together to make a difference in the lives of others. But if not that, for now, at least something further north. More and more each day I want to be closer to three girls who make more of a difference in my life every day than they know. And they know who they are.

About my NASM Certification – I have until May 26th to take my NASM Certified Personal Trainer exam. That’s a month from tomorrow. I’m in Chapter 13 out of 18. I have a LOT of work to do in the next month and it’s really freaking me out.

I did not make the right decision on timing for the purchase of these exam materials. You have six months to study and complete the exam – I bought the materials at the end of November. Between the holidays and training for the Rock N Roll New Orleans Marathon, my studies were tossed aside. Now with only a month to go, I’m cramming and it’s driving me crazy. But it’s my passion – I want to be a certified personal trainer. I want to start this next chapter of my life. I want  to make a difference in the health and wellness of others. I want to be that girl that others go to when they need help – with a workout, with an exercise, just for advice or input.

I have no idea how I’m going to handle life when I live on my own again. I don’t know how I did it before. Right now all I have to take care of is myself, my mother does everything else. I pitch in with some cleaning and some cooking, but not much, and yet I still don’t have time? I’m actually a little nervous about moving back out on my own because I don’t know how I got it all done before. And when that time comes, I’ll be in the middle of my Chicago training plan. Yikes.  Once PT is over I’m going to try moving all of my workouts to the morning. I’m up at 5:30 every day no matter what, so I may as well use that time to workout, and use my evenings to get stuff done.

I think I’ve been neglecting my dog. She’s always been a little weird – skittish, barks at random stuff, afraid of large people. I chalked that up to her being a shelter dog. But lately she’s been acting out, not just weird. She bit my cousin’s husband on the leg (luckily she didn’t break the skin). She shredded a package dropped on the front step by the FedEx guy. She tried to eat Zach’s food (my parent’s dog), instead of her own. She has NEVER done that. She started nipping at the heels of one of my stepdad’s friends last night, as I was reprimanding her. I think that I’m neglecting my fur baby, and if I am, how do I fit her in too? Perhaps even a short walk in the morning will do the trick? Poor little baby, I love her so much.

Lexi

The truth is, I set myself up for these situations. I overthink, overplan, and overanalyze, and when the time comes to take action, I change my mind a thousand times. Or I procrastinate, which is a wicked bad habit I’d like to drop (tips are welcome, please and thank you). Then I scramble and stress to get things done, or make a decision, whatever the case may be.

Sigh, I think I need a vacation.  Next weekend – 4 glorious days off. Coachy is coming to town and I’m going to tourist him around the state, then it’s race day! Friends and family time – time to be with the people that mean the most in my life. On Monday, I chill. Relax and recuperate from what will definitely be a fun but surely exhausting weekend (there are 13.1 miles involved after all).

This little “stay-cation” could not have come at a better time.

Thanks for listening friends.

XOXO

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17 Responses to “Deep Thoughts”

  1. Heather Iacobacci (@hriacobacci) April 25, 2012 at 8:59 pm #

    I’m sorry about the job situation. At least you don’t hate hate hate it. I’ve been there and that’s beyond bad – creeps into all apsects of your life. But it’s not good to not be happy either (in that boat too). It makes for long days and longer weeks. As for your furbaby, make sure there isn’t anything physically wrong to start with. Dogs don’t act like that without reason. Not that I can tell you the reason, but there’s something going on for sure. Maybe just needs lots of exercise (we have one of those LOL). And it’s easy to set ourselves up when we’re type A, perfectionist, over-thinkers.

    • runcupcake April 26, 2012 at 2:01 pm #

      Well… there’s a lot more to the job thing, it’s just not something I feel comfortable blogging about and blasting all over the internet.

      I’m pretty sure my pup is physically healthy – she’s eating, drinking, sleeping, playing, like normal. I think it’s just a lot of exercise and attention needed – time for me to step up and be a better doggy mama.

  2. liza April 25, 2012 at 9:00 pm #

    you can do it girl. follow your heart and do what you feel your passion is. you can’t go wrong!

    • runcupcake April 26, 2012 at 1:58 pm #

      🙂 You are such a sweetheart, I’m so glad we “met”!!!!

  3. Alex @ therunwithin April 25, 2012 at 9:09 pm #

    Aw you can do it, just hang in there. Don’t doubt yourself, I swear you have more than you think in there.

    • runcupcake April 26, 2012 at 1:58 pm #

      Thank you 🙂 Your words mean a lot to me, a LOT. And you made me smile a much needed smile.

  4. Jess Sutera April 25, 2012 at 9:52 pm #

    Soooo glad you blogged these thoughts out friend — sometimes it can be the most cleansing thing, to purge those thoughts right out of your mind and onto the “page” like that. I sense you are at a really big, really great turning point. It’s gonna happen, and soon. And when it does, it’s gonna be awesome, and you’re gonna be great. I promise. Believe in YOU, that’s my one piece of advice. Believe. In. You. xoxo

    • runcupcake April 26, 2012 at 1:58 pm #

      I love you, thank you for being here for me through all of this. xoxo

  5. runningwithsass April 26, 2012 at 11:03 am #

    aw poor pup! Needs some love, stat!

  6. Heather Montgomery (@runningwithsass) April 26, 2012 at 11:03 am #

    aw poor pup needs some love. stat!

    • runcupcake April 26, 2012 at 1:57 pm #

      Yes! She’s sleeping in my bed again 🙂 And I’m going to start taking her for after dinner walks

  7. jobo April 26, 2012 at 11:38 am #

    Sometimes a staycation is exactly what we need!! I am glad you get this time off and can enjoy it after the half!! Take a breather, reset and then pick up the job stuff etc again next week. You got this. ((hug))

    • runcupcake April 26, 2012 at 1:57 pm #

      Thank you friend. I feel so stretched beyond my ability right now, it’s frustrating. But you’re right, taking a breather and resetting will definitely help. ((hugs))

  8. livelovenrun April 26, 2012 at 1:16 pm #

    I’m with Jess…so glad you blogged it out. It’s good medicine/therapy!!

    You’ll get there, girl…I’m cramming my Ex. Sci. final info in last minute, too. I’ve put a lot of personal things ahead of studies, but hey…sometimes that needs to happen, right? As far as your pup…just do some cuddling. They’re very forgiving animals. 😉

    Sending some refreshing vibes your way, friend.

    • runcupcake April 26, 2012 at 1:56 pm #

      Blogging it out is great therapy!

      The pup threw herself out of my bed a couple weeks ago, for no good reason LOL, so I brought her blanket back up and had her sleep there last night. I think she liked it.

      Thanks for the vibes, they are much needed and appreciated.

  9. cottercrunch April 26, 2012 at 5:05 pm #

    good things will come, it’s hard to see the future of course. But its there and you will be happy and on your own thriving! Glad you can vent here. it’s healthy!

    • runcupcake April 27, 2012 at 7:00 am #

      Thanks Lindsay – your words are always so well thought and kind. XOXO

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